Be inspired by Monja

How to find energy and embrace every challenge with a laughter

I had a cup of coffee the other day with Monja, the most inspiring person. You know what? She’s not a super hero. She is a regular person. Just like you and I.

Monja is the first person I've interviewed for the Dreamers & Doers series, and I am certain, that you will find her as inspiring as I do.

Monja is a single-mom of two (13 and 8) with loads of energy and a contagious laughter. Seven years ago, her oldest child got ill. The doctors were clueless. They didn’t know what he had, and she feared for his life. She refused to give up, and as a result of her persistence they finally found out what it was, and he could be treated. Today he is well.

Two years later, Monja started her very first business, her own café – La Dolce Vita. To lower the financial pressure, she continued working part-time at a Swiss financial institution. After a while, La Dolce Vita had to change location, and she faced new challenges with a new location.

When the children were born, she took the largest portion of looking after them and managing the household. The children were, and still are, her number one priority. She also supported her husband, who continued working as before and took on new challenges. She always kept his back free. Shortly after she had kicked off her own new café venture, Monja and her husband decided to get a divorce.

I met with Monja to hear where she gets all her courage, and energy to continue pushing forward and embracing every challenge with a laughter. Here’s what she replied.

When did you first realize that you wanted to start your own business?

When I was a child, we spent the summer holidays in Italy. Every time, when we came home to Switzerland again, I felt lonely. In Italy you could just go to the gelateria and there was always someone there. Friends, relatives, or relatives of friends, always someone that you could talk to. When I turned 19, I moved to Italy for five years. In Italy everything was much more relaxed compared to Switzerland. The restaurant where she worked did not open 3 hours before the customers would arrive, but 10 minutes before. And yet the personnel had time to drink a cup of coffee with each other before they would open the doors. During the opening everyone worked exactly as hard as in Switzerland, but the work before and after opening hours was much more laid back. I always had this idea that I would like to bring that exact same welcoming, calming atmosphere to Switzerland. A place where people can take it easy and relax. Be the way they are, where time doesn't exist.

Monja herself does not wear a watch. Still, she’s never too late.

What triggered your change?

When I turned 40, my life changed. The children had gotten older. They didn’t need me the way they had done before. At 40 I also started to like myself just as I am. I became less dependent on what others think. I realized; I need to look out for myself. No-one will bring you forward; you need to continue taking those steps on your own.

What has it given you?

Freedom. If I'm not feeling great, and the weather forecast is bad too, I can take the decision to keep La Dolce Vita closed for the day. But it also comes with a cost. Not everyone appreciates the flexibility. I have learned to ignore the negative comments that may then appear on social media. It hurt in the beginning. Today I don't care much about it.

How do you define success?

I see myself in many different roles; mother, friend, business owner, manager and partner. Success to me is therefore when I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of what I have accomplished in all these different roles. That I can be there for my children and friends when they need me. That I treat my employees, which I have picked with care, with the appreciation they deserve.

What advice would you give your younger self?

Take a closer look at yourself. Find out what you have inside you. The children will not always need you the way they do when they are small. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? How can you get there? For example, is there any additional education you can do, that will take you closer to that goal. You need to speak up, look out for yourself. If you’re in a partnership, make sure you find a solution that fits all.

What frustrates you?

Everyone should be able to be as they are without being judged. I am 162cm tall, blonde and am usually a happy person who smiles. It can't it be that just because you're cute and nice that you have to bang your fist on the table so that people take you seriously. No-one should have the right to judge people they don’t know.

What gives you energy and how do you handle frustrations?

I walk 10km every day. Always alone. Sometimes with music, sometimes without any other sound than the nature in my ears. During these two hours I go through my day. I find my inner balance again. If something still disturbs me after those two hours, it means that I have to do something about it. Like for example after I had met with a friend. We spoke for hours. After my walk, there was something that nudged me to call him again, telling him that I had the feeling that there is something that disturbs him. He hadn’t mentioned a word about that during our meeting. He confirmed, but also said that he is not yet ready to talk about it. My gut feeling had been right. I told him that I’m here for him when he needs me and is ready to talk.

What have you learned from your challenges?

As a woman you are looked at differently than a man. You are easily branded as too direct, emotional or cumbersome when you speak your mind. When it comes to my professional life, I have learned to be tougher, to put my foot down. Personally, and privately, I have remained the same.

I had to learn to stop always being the nice girl and make sure that everyone else is okay. I had to start looking out for myself. That being said, to me it is important to stay polite and considerate. But you shouldn’t let anyone walk over you.

Going through a change, like for example the divorce, strengthens you. But it won’t happen overnight. You need to break up with negative, non-supportive people. You see your friends and family for who they really are. There are people who only expect to receive, but never give, and then others who offer their help without you even asking for it. It helps knowing that they are there. That you can count on their support if you should need it.

I have learned to understand who my real friends and supporters are. With these people I continue as a stronger person on my life path.

Do you have any role model(-s), if so, who and why?

When I was younger, my father was my role model. He passed away when I was 21, and I have followed in many of his footsteps. Today, I don’t have a person as a role model. When I think of it, I’d rather say that the nature is my role model. After each season, another one will come without a doubt. Spring will follow after winter, and the summer will come too with all its colors and flowers. When I have a challenging day, I am confident that today will soon belong to tomorrow and the days that come will be better.

What are your fears, and how do you handle them?

My biggest fear was always that something would happen to my children. When my son got ill, the doctors’ told us to prepare for the worst. I am proud that I didn’t give up, and when he survived his illness, I realized that I’m not afraid of anything. All went well, and now nothing scares me any longer. I managed that crisis, and I will be able to manage other challenges that will definitely come in my path. I trust that if you follow your heart, and keep a positive mind, then everything comes as it should.

When my father got ill, he told me that if he could visit me after he had passed away, he would come as a butterfly. In many difficult situations, a butterfly has come to me in the strangest ways. Once, one came into the café and landed on my forearm. I took that as a sign from my father and just knew what I had to do.

I believe that life is our task, which we have to solve and manage the best we can do. That keeps me fearless.

What are you curious about next?

I enjoy making other people happy. In my current profession, but also privately, I come across many children and teenagers. I want to take the next step and start helping young people. It could be youth coaching or mediating between children and their parents. What and how exactly, I still need to figure out.

I am certain that Monja will be more than successful on her way through life. And those who get to follow her, on some part of it, will be lucky. A warmer, more genuine and honest person is difficult to find.