What does a life coach do – and how come it works?

Be careful what you wish for - magic will happen when you find the right partner.

“Aha, so you’re one of those.” She raised her eyebrows. “Every person above 45 is nowadays either a coach or consultant.” She continued, “I’m also a coach myself, but I never use that word.”

“Ok.” I replied. I didn’t really understand what it was that she wanted to hear.

She was a new acquaintance and we had just met in a course about personal branding. Her words hit me during the session when where we were supposed to analyze each other’s high concept pitch. Some call it unique selling proposition, some USP, or elevator pitch – kärt barn har många namn – as we would say Swedish (a dear child has many names).

In short it means that I should be able to tell anyone I meet in one sentence what I do and why it matters.

I obviously hadn’t been able to convince her.

Some years ago, I hadn’t been convinced about what a life coach does myself either. Once, one of my employees said that she thought I would be a great coach.

I almost fell off the chair, “Hell no! No way!”

Why did I react that way?

Firstly, it probably was because I’m a strong believer that we shouldn’t complain. If we are unhappy about a situation, we need to do something about it. Rather sooner than later. I doubted I would be sufficiently patient in listening to someone talking about that they were unhappy and needed a change. Secondly, I guess it was because I didn’t know what a coach actually did.

I absolutely agree with what I believe my course companion thought – it is fluffy and there are lots of coaches out there.

So, what does it mean? What does a life coach do?

There are probably as many different ways of practice as there are coaches. According to the International Coach Federation, the definition of coaching is:

... partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.

Got it! Crystal clear!

Well . . . not really.

Let me try to iron it all out based on what I’ve learnt, and what it means to me.

In coaching you believe in the client’s own resources and abilities. Each and every one of us is unique. We shouldn’t try to become copies of others. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t learn or can be inspired by others.

In the very first session with your coach you will discuss your overarching goal and what it is that makes achieving it important to you. It can be anything from becoming more confident, climbing the Mount Everest, or getting a new job.

Look at your meetings with your coach as a process. You have a start, and an ending, and in between there will be different milestones and control mechanisms, your sub-goals.

As the meetings with your coach progresses, the overarching goal may change. You may most likely also identify different milestones that you hadn’t thought of initially. Everything leads to you becoming more confident and closer to achieving your goal. You may also come to realize it isn’t about that particular goal you set in the beginning at all. It may in fact be about something completely different. That’s all part of the coaching process.

During the meetings with the coach, focus will lie on the positive. The aim is to find your own will and trust that you can achieve anything you want.

Contrary to a therapist, who focus on the past and why you behave in a certain way, the coach focuses on the now and your future. Together with your coach you will identify different possibilities and define solutions.

A coach can never fix you if you’re broken. To achieve your full potential, you should have cleaned out the dust that you have in your drawers – talking about your past here and not the actual dust.

If you have dust, or even skeletons in your drawer, you should see a therapist instead of a coach.

The purpose with coaching is that you move forward. You shouldn’t dwell on the past, but the aim is to define the necessary steps to meet the goal you have defined.

As in all the best relationships, you need to fully trust your coach. To feel that the coach is your partner, your ally. The one who holds you accountable for the steps you’ve defined.

“Can’t I figure out all these different steps on my own?” You may think.

The coach listens, and listens and listens, and ask questions. What do you say, and what do you really mean? These may be two different things. You see, in the discussion it’s only about you.

You are in the spotlight.

The coach has been trained on observing you - the words you’re using, how you say them, and also your body language. Based on these observations the coach will ask you questions that will trigger your thought process.

The coach will not judge you for what you say or think. Great coaches will also not give you any advice based on what they think you should do, how you should approach a certain problem to achieve your goal.

“But?” You may think. “Why the heck should I then even come to you? If you, with your experience, can’t tell me what I should do?”

That’s the thing. I shouldn’t tell you what to do, because that wouldn’t be the best thing for you. That would most likely not be what you wanted anyways.

I went to a coach once, and now, in hindsight I can say that we definitely weren’t a perfect fit. I felt awkward and a bit ashamed of my dreams. That a woman with a solid career could even think of throwing all that she had built up over two decades only because she had realized that she had forgotten about her own dreams – becoming an author, hosting a podcast, and holding speeches to motivate others to dare to follow their dreams.

I didn’t really want to tell her about my crazy dreams. Which, as you might imagine wasn’t such a great start of my relationship with her as a coach.

When I said, “How can I even think of doing public speaking? I don’t have a story.”

Her reply wasn’t anywhere near the questions that I have since then learnt that you should ask as a coach, instead she said “Yes, yes, okay. But then you should be a facilitator. You can organize events where others will have the opportunity to listen to other people’s stories.”

Eh, no.

That’s not what I wanted. But I didn’t say that. I probably just nodded.

The million-dollar question here is. Did I follow her advice? Did I become an event facilitator? No, of course not, it wasn’t even close to what I wanted to do!

In defining what she thought I should do; she took over my responsibility.

For coaching to work, you have to be in the driver’s seat. It is your life, and your decisions.

Together with your coach, you will define the steps and actions that will work for you. The coach may challenge you, to make sure you don’t take the easy way out. Again.

During the kick-off meeting with one of my clients she said “Oh my god. I feel that this is going to change my life!”

I can’t promise that hiring a coach will change your life completely. What I can promise you though is that you will see results. You will not only sow a seed of who you want to be for the next phase of your life, you will also start taking those steps to fulfill your goals of becoming that person.

But and I can’t emphasize this too many times - for magic to happen you have to trust your coach.

If you’re afraid of being too dependent on your coach, raise that with them during your very first session.

The purpose of coaching is not that you should be dependent on having someone cheering you on all the time. The purpose is to improve your confidence and self-empowerment.

By working with a coach, you will become more aware of who you are, who you want to be and how to become that person.

Therefore, if you have a dream, or you feel lost and don’t know what to do, why not reach out to a coach?

Be careful what you wish for though – because magic will happen when you find the right partner.

I only work with a very limited number of Life Coaching Clients. Send me a message today and we’ll figure out whether we’re a match.